Traditional Wedding : A day of slaughter, dance and community

Key Words

Umshado wesintu – Traditional Zulu wedding

Ymgido wesintu - Traditional Zulu dance

Umakoti - Bride

Umkhwenyana - Groom

Umqombothi – African beer

Umemulo – Coming-of-age ceremony

Umembeso – Engagement ceremony

Lobola – Dowry; the gifts exchanged between families

Gogo – Grandmother

Yebo – yes

Ubuntu – Nguni Bantu term related to humanist philosophy, meaning ‘I am because you are’

Traditional Zulu celebrations are huge, costly affairs that take many months or years to plan. They involve the entire extended family, neighborhood, and for prominent families, the whole community. Hundreds of people come together to celebrate a passing, wedding, birth, engagement or coming of age ceremony. One of the first events I attended was an umemulo ceremony in rural Masinga, where three rural Zulu young women celebrated their virginity and eligibility for marriage. In more urban areas, if often marks women’s 21^st birthday. Next I attended an engagement ceremony umembeso, where the families of the bride and groom presented each other with lavish gifts as part of the lobola. Most gifts were surprisingly practical: large cooking pots, grass mats for entertaining, piles of warm blankets for winter, tailored suits patriarch, and beautiful dresses and aprons for the women of the family. These ceremonies all lead up to the main event—the traditional Zulu wedding.

Engagements can last years, as the lobola is slowly paid to the bride’s family and both families gather contributions to pay for the actual wedding. In my township, couples have a white church wedding followed by a traditional Zulu wedding at the home the following day. It is an exhausting ordeal not only for the bride and groom, but the entire family and neighborhood that help to make it happen. Weddings are community events, where guests and uninvited community members come together to celebrate the joining of two families.

The bride and bridal party just before her official
entrance into the groom's family home.

Phindile, (one of my favorite Community Care Givers at Sikhona Care Centre) invited me to attend her brother’s wedding last Friday. As it was my first wedding, my first and only question was “What should I wear?” Laughing at my concern, she told me to “wear trousers, a skirt or a dress” and meet her at corner by Eskom Electricity 11:30am Sunday. Knowing that Phindile would try to look out for me while juggling her hosting duties, I said “Yebo”. It’s always a bit nerve-wracking to show up to an event, not knowing if my presence will lead to lots of puzzled looks, sexual harassment or welcoming embraces. Usually, I get a mix of all three. After waiting under a tree for 20 minutes, I jumped into a packed pick-up truck and drove into the edge of Section A armed only with a water bottle, camera, and tissue (aka toilet paper). The road was already packed with cars. The big event tent blocked the entire road, effectively shutting down the whole street for the wedding. As we pulled, up I saw three other white guests, who I was immediately introduced to. Sam, Boris and Chad work with the groom at a wildlife documentary company in Durban. Knowing that there was a sizable group of guests from Durban was an instant relief, as it would mean that at least a few guests would speak English. We were shepherded out of the tent and taken next door to a shady spot under a pine tree. Slowly more guests joined us, bringing cold drink and plates of cookies. A large group of Zulu dancers arrived, unpacking bags of clothing and beads behind us. In the States I would never dream of sitting in a stranger’s front yard for yours, but here it felt normal.

The Zulu dancers that befriended me before the wedding.

For the next two hours we sat around, watching the men slaughter a massive cow in the front yard of the hosting family’s home. Women are not involved in the slaughter or butchering at all, only coming into contact with the meat as it’s cooked in heavy pots. Older men watched the butchering from just beyond the fence. They sat on stones from the road and drank from communal jugs of umqombothi. By the time the ceremony started, these men were drunk and eager to dance.

Nothing ever seems to start on time in South Africa, and on Sunday, the wedding was no exception. By the time things not going, the wedding was a good three hours behind schedule. To fill the time, I decided to meet the Zulu dancers lounging in the shade, practicing dances and texting friends behind me. They all come from Section E, the one section of Ezakheni I’ve never visited before. The girls were mostly in Grade 7-10 and were probably somewhere between 12-17 years-old. I spent the next hour taking photos, joking around and learning about their costumes. A few boys wandered over too, but for the most part, the girls held my attention. They were precocious and hilarious. These dancers formed the backdrop of all of the traditional aspects of the ceremony. They led the bride out of the house in her white dress and sang as she made her formal entrance into her husband’s home behind the wedding chest. The dancers also escorted the groom and groomsmen out of the house, first in their white wedding attire and later clothed only in their Zulu animal skins.

There seemed to be an unspoken order to events once the wedding started. The bride made her official entrance into the Radebe home, she walking around the yard with her bridesmaids and female members of her family. As the bride’s procession wove in and out of the crowd, older women sang and danced in the bride’s honor. Once the bride was settled under an umbrella, the groom made his formal entrance. At that point, the celebratory dancing began in earnest. The dancer troop preformed wedding songs and dances, growing in intensity and complexity. Everything they did was captivating—their high kicks and stomping sent dust flying over the crowd. A few drunken old men occasionally wandered across the grassy stage, but for the most part the dancers performed uninterrupted for over an hour. 

Gifts for the family of the groom--
every member will receive a blanket.

The Zulu dancing kicked off a series of traditional wedding activities. A mountain of gifts was bestowed to the groom’s family, while people danced forward to give money to the new couple. The final act was to assemble a brand-new bedroom set, complete with pillows and sheets. The bride and groom stepped forward into their pretend bedroom. Both clad in traditional Zulu clothes, the bride washed her husband’s feet and helped him into bed. At this point the crowd erupted. Bridesmaids and women from her family ran forward to beat the groom with sticks (luckily, he was safe from the beating thanks to a new thick blanket). This dramatic, hilarious ruckus marked the end of the ceremony. From this point on wards the bride would stay in the home of the groom, slowly earning her place as a member of the Radebe family. I’ve heard stories of mistreatment, jealousy and down-right contempt of brides, but in this case, the bride will most likely return to Durban with their children after a few weeks of fulfilling her duties as umakoti. Brides are expected to clean and clean for their in-laws, slowly earning respect and a place in the family.

Zulu dancers waiting around next door
before the wedding.

After six hours at the wedding, I headed home. The folks from Durban gave me a lift out of Section A so I wouldn’t have to walk past 150+ drunken men starting to pour out of the large shebeen next to the wedding. Although it was time for me to make a graceful exit, the wedding festivities lasted well into the night, as guests traded cold drink (soda) for barrels of communal local brew and bottles of liquor. I walked home incredibly happy and satisfied. Traditional Zulu ceremonies are powerful to witness, full of dancing, singing, drinking and feasting. I love how the entire community participates by raising funds, cooking and celebrating with the family. Hosting a massive, 400-plus person wedding without an enforced guest list would be a nightmare in the States, but somehow the openness of it works here. Traditional Zulu weddings exemplify the spirit of ubuntu, bringing together family, friends, and neighbors to celebrate the joining of two families.